Alive

I’m here.  
Still here.  
Breathing… sometimes, barely… but breathing.  

I used to think that was enough.  Just breathing.  Breathing through it.   
Just getting by… not stepping too far out of the comfort zone of others.  
Standing just on the outskirts of my own… keeping the door open, you know, just in case.

I'm still here.  But am I, really? Something isn’t right.
I’m not Alive.
I’m not Alive because I’m not living.  
I am existing.

I know what Alive feels like… At least my version of feeling Alive, that is.
It’s hard to describe it without sounding weird or corny, but I’ll take the risk.
Alive is when my whole body smiles… even my liver.

I felt Alive when started my first business in 1999.
I felt Alive when I ended that business and wrote/published my first book in 2007.
I felt Alive when I accepted and embraced myself as a writer (and geek)
I felt Alive on my cross-country road trip from Atlanta to San Diego with 5 other writers.
I felt Alive when I freed myself from a toxic relationship.
I felt Alive when I completed 7 zip lines in Costa Rica (I know, I still owe you that story)

I know what Alive feels like.  
I want to feel it again.  I want to feel it all the time.

Alive is a choice.  
Alive is managing the “shoulds” so that you can do what you “must.”  
Alive must be practiced every day. Alive is living with purpose… on purpose.

For 2017, I will move beyond merely existing.  I am ALIVE… so it’s time I start believing it and acting accordingly.